My Fashion Rules.

At about 4 months post D-day I decided it was probably best I stopped moping about in my maternity jeans (which had to be pulled back up every time I moved), waiting for my figure to "settle" and actually sort out my clothes to see what fit and what no longer fit me. Besides the clothes I was wearing at the time this was the result which I posted on Instagram:

As you can see that left three tops in my wardrobe.

Three.

That was pretty depressing, I was breast feeding goddamit, aren't you meant to ping back into shape?!? Isn't that what all the celebs credit with getting their "pre-pregnancy body" back?(Vom- I so hate that phrase). Isn't that what my mum told me would happen? I AM in my 20's! I'm young, them's the rules!! I WAS MEANT TO PING! That size 8 leather skirt was meant to be AN INVESTMENT BUY!!! I can't even get it above my knees now!

As exciting as the prospect of shopping for a WHOLE. NEW. WARDROBE. should have been, it was a rather daunting task, as aside from the fact I would have to go and view a body I really didn't like in full length mirrors all day, and the fact I had no idea where to begin in dressing for my new shape, it was also the problem of actually building up the basics of a wardrobe it had taken me my whole adult lifetime to accumulate, those boring things you never even think about but take up your money. Like plain basic jeans.

So while my wardrobe is not that bare any more, there is still not a great deal of variety in the clothes I have, it was only last month I actually bought an outfit which has the sole purpose for going out for a night out. 15 months (plus 9) to buy an "out-out" outfit. Oh how times have changed lol.

The "Rules":

So while navigating the world of fashion and mummy hood,  I've discovered a pattern begin to emerge in my shopping habits. Because some things just aren't practical... and somethings can be a secret life saver!



1) PRINTS

Prints I hear you cry, Prints?! Well there's nothing practical about that! Prints doesn't make it easier for you to crawl around the floor, or run after a fleeing 15 month old....

Ah ha! But it IS I say!

BECAUSE THEY HIDE A MULTITUDE OF SINS!


I'm talking your snot, food, dirt, mud, and all other manner of grubbiness your little darling will bestow upon you. Because trust me, the busier your clothes, the harder it is to see anythings that is just not meant to be there.

Its not a pretty tip! In fact, it's fairly disgusting. But I can almost guarantee that within 7 (and this IS my current average time) minutes of putting on that plain black top, the arms, shoulders and boobs will be covered in snot! I don't have enough clothes for the amount of times I would have to change in a day to refresh from his little dirty hands. And I can't really hold him at arms length because I'm worried about a bit of dirt, he just won't let me, persistent little bugger.



2) Don't be precious.

Things are going to get ruined. Knees are going to get worn, jeans are going to fade, jumpers are going to catch and bobble, cotton tops are going to bobble; in fact things you didn't think can bobble- will bobble!!

(This is a picture of a SHIRT, which I think you would agree if a fairly un-bobbleable item....WITH BOBBLES! )

But that's just because you spend so much of your time getting such good cuddles. :) And I can't pick fault with that. The only thing I can say is if you want that really nice something and you want it to stay a really nice something then either  A) don't wear it in day time baby hours, or B) buy 7.



3) Separates

This "rule" came about because of a few main reasons, ONE- breastfeeding! As I hated nursing clothes even worse than I hated maternity clothes, I took it upon myself to just buy clothes I could easily undo to feed in *blushes* public. Buttoned shirts and jeans being my main outfit of choice.

TWO- my bum is a size 12... my top is a size 10.. Anything that's all in one (dresses etc) don't fit! Or something has to suffer; baggy top half/ too tight bottom. Blerg.

I have also, generally, found it much easier to wear separates for mobility reasons; the fact you only have to wash one half if it gets dirty; much more wardrobe options; aaaaaaaand .... EASIER TO HIDE THE MUMMY TUMMY! So. Much. Easier. Which is fairly essential.



4) Flat Flat Flat Flat Flat Flat Flat Flat Flat.......

Heals are SO unpractical. Everyone knows that.....

Yeah.... okay.... so this is one I still haven't fully got on board with. Not for lack of trying. My main gripe is spending  money on something which is no more that a glorified ballet pump. The amount of flat shoes I see that look lovely yes, but have a sole you will wear through in a week and have no support whats ever, is ridiculous. I'm not quite sure WHEN I became my grandmother, or if shoes have just got much, much worse over time, but why do children and men get acceptable shoes that do their main, basic purpose, of supporting and protecting (blah blah blah) the foot but us womenz get the shoes which look pretty and work if you daintily sit in that chair over there, you know- that one in the corner there (the same one which is less offensive if your are a breastfeeding beast).

As someone who did not possess a single flat shoe pre-baby (aside from converse which are in my "trainers" category and therefore don't count) this has been a particularly hard adjustment for me. I found some wonderful flat boots from dune I wore all through my pregnancy and beyond, but annoyingly it's just TOO HOT to wear boots in summer. Or else I would. I suffer from what I like to term "hot foot syndrome" (catchy!). Last summer I skirted around the issue of The Flat Shoe by just wearing sandals... which were more my budget... yet just as unhelpful with the support.

At some point I really should probably start investing in a good flat shoe.



SO THERE IT IS.... my only four fashion rules. I am sure I'll get more as I get more experienced at fashion in the mummy world,  we shall see. Of course I'm also sure I'll probably ignore my own advice too...